Turning Away

Let's be honest, Top Gear needs to be put out of its misery. That's not coming from a long-time critic of the show: I'm someone who used to consider it one of the best shows on the box, but that age has long since passed.

Only an hour or so after watching the second of the new series on Sunday, I struggled to remember anything of what had passed. There was something about a car being called a "Growler" that led to a series of jokes that would doubtless make a ten year boy in 1980 guffaw like Finbarr Saunders but left me sighing at the predictability of it all and how Clarkson was getting paid a huge wedge for this.

Then there was something about hot hatches, the only part of which I recall was them driving them round the Monaco GP with F1's answer to Andy Warhol dishing out advice. It paled badly compared to their brilliant "Buy a Porsche for £1500" challenge or the one where they bought a trio of British-made cars from the 70s. Familiarity breeds contempt, though, and Top Gear has long since passed that point so that to parody it would be pointless.

But really, BBC, the cow has long been milked to the point where she's a mangled out thing, riddled with BSE and struggling to stay on its feet in a field covered with its own shit. Not even the cast look that interested anymore - James May for one seems like he'd much rather be doing his own thing rather than playing perpetual straightman. Can't say I blame him, either, even if James May's Man Lab was one of the most wretched things I'd seen on my television since Bernard Manning threw a seven.

I'd imagine, however, that most the people involved with making the show are getting a fair old slice of Licence Fee, and to be fair, I'm led to believe that it's sold out to most of the world, making the Beeb a decent return. Yet, as with Have I Got News For You (an edition of which I watched the other night for ten minutes before I realised it was a repeat from about six months ago) it needs sent to Broadcasting Retirement Home. Clarkson can focus on writing tiresome right-wing tabloid articles, May can make a working Nuclear Sub from playdoh and Hammond can go back to laughing at people getting muddy on Total Wipeout.