I'm Living in This Movie...

I can't remember if it was Julian Cope or Ian McCulloch who said they lived their lives as if a film camera was on them at all times. Typical singer egotism, really, and probably essential if you're going to front a band.

Having never really wanted attention all that much, it's not a way of living I think would be healthy for me. Not that I haven't had my moments. Ten years ago, I was in my last year of university education and one of my teachers is someone who has gone on to be a tiresome right-wing columnist. That's come as a surprise to me, as at the time he was just very tedious, to the degree that when I found myself at the train station at eight in the morning to head off to uni, the thought of another snoozefest of a lecture made me think my time would be better spent elsewhere.

On a whim, and as I lived in Surrey those days, I jumped on a train to Woking. At the time, I was a big fan of the Jam, which may well have swung the decision. It didn't turn out to be a good one, as there's pretty much the square root of nowt to do there. All the same, it meant a lot of Weller's songs about suburban boredom made a bit more sense.

It was only just after nine when I rolled in and I absent-mindedly wandered into the town's shopping centre. The place was empty and I didn't see another soul for about 20 minutes, people working in shops excepted. I could hear my every footstep echo round the hall and for a moment or two, I was expecting a horde of zombies to burst out from behind the escalator and chase me around until they cracked open my skull and feasted on the goo within.

On a slightly more rational level, I did actually get mildly paranoid for a bit that I'd be collared by security and arrested for trespassing when the place was closed, but thankfully some good citizens of Woking finally turned up to satisfy their consumer needs and I was able to buy a magazine in WH Smiths in relative ease of mind.

Other than that, about the only time I can remember thinking I was living my life like I was in a film is at work when it all goes a bit like the first 20 minutes of Office Space, where the main character has to deal with the same kind of idiots all day. I can relate to that one far too well.