Non-Hit Parade

The singles charts of today are of absolutely no interest to me whatsoever. This is almost natural: after all, I'm 31 years old and pop music (in the main part) is for people a lot younger than I.

That doesn't mean I'm not interested in stuff that happened in the past. How did Laurie Anderson get something as weird as O Superman to nearly top the charts in the UK? Were Frankie Goes to Hollywood all a matter of hype, or are the songs any good? (Not really, to my ears)

Then there's the songs that sound like they were born to boom out of a million radios but went absolutely nowhere. Here's a few songs that, to me, should have been hits but never were. And by hit, I mean reached the top 40 of the singles charts in either the UK or the US.


The Comsat Angels - Will You Stay Tonight?
The Comsats started out as a great moody post-punk outfit who peaked with the brilliantly bleak Sleep No More album in 1981. However, they moved from the darkness (perhaps understandably so) and by 1983, were pushing for a chart breakthrough.

This song should have been it, given it's got all the right ingredients: hooks galore, great chorus, tight pop structure. Instead, it didn't even make the UK top 75, the latest in a series of disappointments that began when their first record label failed to send out enough copies of an album to satisfy demand that would have put them into the charts.

Not long after Will You Stay Tonight? failed to set the world on fire, they came the closest they ever would to a hit when a re-recording of early single Independence Day made the dizzy heights of #71.

Nowadays, they've gained some level of recognition, with film critic Mark Kermode hailing them as his favourite band.

Psychedelic Furs - All That Money Wants
In a way, the Furs have only themselves to blame for this. At the start of the 80s, they were a post-punk six piece with a cult following. As the decade wore on, they shed members as they got more popular. Fourth album Mirror Moves just about managed to keep on the right side of the line, but by 1987 and the Midnight to Midnight album, it was all daft haircuts and bad production values. All the same, it became their biggest hit album and provided their only US top 40 hit with Heartbreak Beat.

Lead singer Richard Butler gave himself a mild case of heart trouble due to feeling so stressed by this straying from what the band used to mean and soon got rid of the bad clothes as well as the bad songs from the setlist. Naturally, this pissed off all the new fans on top of all the old fans who'd long moved onto bands like the Cure, Depeche Mode and U2 - all less perceived to have "sold out". So, when they brought out this single to support the All Of This and Nothing compilation in 1988, it's failure to hit made some kind of sense.

On the other hand, it was their best song in years, as well as being produced by Stephen Street, then hot from working with the Smiths and on Morrissey's solo stuff. It's the sound of a band really giving it everything  again, with Butler's old angry croak returning to form after a few years signing more vapid poptones - indeed, the title alone may reflect his views on the band's chasing of commercial success at the cost of their souls. "I don't believe that I believed in you" could be a line to the band from an old fan.

No matter that it sounded amazing, had a brilliant b-side in Birland and saw them back using guitars properly, it went nowhere and the band's career in terms of a popular act was over, which was a shame as their next two albums were also excellent.

New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle 
New Order's first chart peak had been in the wake of Blue Monday selling by the shedload. Both Confusion and Thieves Like Us had hit the top 20 at home, but by 1986, they couldn't buy a decent hit. Perhaps Factory was going through one of their 'slump' periods.

But all the same, BLT was born for radio play, was superbly produced and featured an atypical straightforward lyric from Bernard Sumner. I can't find any fault with this perfect pop song, and yet it only made #56 in the UK charts in September 1986. Perhaps if it had come out two years later, when the band were scoring big hits everywhere and topping the album charts, it might have got the contemporary recognition it deserved.

Time, however, has been kind to the song and it's gained status as one of the New Order's classics.

XTC - Great Fire
What a difference a year makes. In 1982, XTC seemed to have finally made the big time. Their fifth album, English Settlement, and it's lead single, Senses Working Overtime, had cracked the UK top 10 and their well-deserved success seemed assured.

But then years of non-stop work caught with with singer/songwriter Andy Partridge. Add to that a harsh withdrawal from Valium, and a nervous breakdown was no surprise. He decided playing live was just too much, and the band retreated into a studio-based existence they never really came back from. Naturally, record company and related sales plummeted and XTC wouldn't get a sniff of a hit for a decade.

Of course, the whole fire/love metaphor is as old as time itself, but Partridge still makes it sound fresh, in particular during an absolutely glorious middle eight where he sings "I've been in love before, but it's never been as hot as this", his feelings for a new beau seeing "memories of loves crack and blister". Perhaps it was bad timing: 1983 was a period of synths and big hair, and some guy from Swindon playing a simple guitar riff perhaps didn't find what was happening on Top of the Pops...

The Go-Betweens - Pretty much everything
I mean, really, how the fuck did the Go-Betweens not get a hit? People say Morrissey/Marr were the Lennon/McCartney of the 80s, but it doesn't really hold up as a comparison. No - Robert Forster and Grant McLennan were the true heirs to the "genius songwriting partnership" throne. They looked the part too, and had strong musicians in the band

Yet somehow, they spent years struggling along, bringing out albums of sublime pop songs. OK, so their early stuff could be rough around the edges, but come on: Bachelor Kisses, Spring Rain, Bye Bye Pride and just about everything on 16 Lovers Lane scream "hit". And what was the best they got? Streets of Your Town made it to #80. I can't really explain that one at all.

And you Australians aren't off the hook. You gave birth to this amazing band, with the best songwriters your fair isle has ever produced and they couldn't buy even a minor hit down there either? People are idiots!