An Agreeable Stance

A few minor things that irritate me greatly:

1) Random people who remark on my height. Just yesterday two teenage girls said as I passed 'He's tall!'. Really? I hadn't noticed. It's not even as if I'm that big - I'm hardly Andre the Giant. My brother got me a badge once that said 'Don't tell me I am tall, you fucking midget'. I wish I still had it.

2) People at gigs who come in late but try to force their way through the crowd to the front. I take great pleasure in adopting a "thou shall not pass" stance. Arrive earlier, dickhead.

3) The evil ginger tom next door that hisses and lunges at the other neighbourhood cats. He'll get a size 12 up the arse if I see him doing that again, the big bully.

4) People who ask me questions about Newcastle, just because they think my accent is a little similar. Well, it's not. Go watch some reruns of Byker Grove and get back to me, you ignorant tit.

5) The fact that the media are already setting up Wayne Rooney to take a huge fall in the World Cup, Apparently, his temper is like a faulty Soviet nuclear reactor, waiting to blow and take the dreams and hopes of a nation with it. Part of me hopes it does, and after receiving his marching orders, he sparks out John Terry on the way back to the dressing room.