Quiz Whizz

When the dark clouds of boredom begin to gather in my living room, I’ve recently found myself more and more looking to the Challenge channel as a source of cheap and cheerful laughs.

For those not in the know (i.e. all you bods not from the UK), Challenge seems to have taken it upon themselves to repeat the game shows of my youth. This is, of course, absolutely brilliant, as it allows us to look through a window back to a time where being on the box was something of a novelty, instead of something any lunatic can get away with. Our choice cuts include:

Bullseye
Darts-themed antics with top "comic"/racist Jim Bowen. Teams of two gathered from the country's top pubs compete for various prizes from "Bully’s Prize Board" before deciding whether to gamble on the big mystery prize, which would generally be a holiday or a speedboat/caravan. The latter has since been the subject of jokes from Peter Kay, who nicked it from a routine Frank Skinner was doing in the mid 90s. Key aspect was the reassuring tones of scorer Tony Green, a man whom David Baddiel believed was the ideal figure to sort out any international conflict, such was the calming affect he had.

Catch Phase
Presented, at it’s peak, by top "comic" Roy Walker, in which we were urged to "say what we see" from a series of badly drawn computer graphics featuring the ever-affable Mr Chips. Silver-haired fox Walker would often throw out never-overused catchphrases of his own ("Say what you see" "It’s good, but it’s not right"). Perhaps more infamous now for a animated graphic that appeared to show the robotic Mr Chips ‘buffing the happy lamp’, as they say, which can be viewed on YouTube.

Family Fortunes
Still going in crap celebrity format presented by Boltonian twat Vernon Kay – it was much better when hosted by top "comic" Les Dennis* in the late 80s-early 90s. Two family groups of five would risk eternal grudges by attempting to guess the results of surveys on various topics. The winning team would then run the gauntlet of the final round, where they could win a few grand and potentially a car that looked like a knock off version of a Ford Sierra. Often appeared as a vehicle for the host to show off his Mavis-from-Coronation-Street impression.

What I take the most from watching these is that all the members of public appear genuinely surprised to be on television, often looking at the camera from the side of their eye in a confused/nervous manner. Compare that to these days, where it appears that everyone has some kind of emotional trauma ("My dog was serving as a sniffer for the Marines in Iraq and was killed by a suicide bomber cat") that merits them being on the show and not knowing that Queen Victoria didn’t have her head cut off. They almost appear like they think they deserve to win, when if Ray and Vera won £250 on Bullseye, they considered it a "great half days work" and state "we’ve had a lovely time".

So thank you, Challenge, for reminding me of a time of bad jumpers, bad facial hair and bad beer bellies but also one where the game show was one of true human interest and entertainment. Now, I’d be grateful if you could start showing Blockbusters again, but this time at a reasonable hour.

*I’m actually being a wee bit harsh on Les here, as he showed himself to be a great sport when he appeared on Bang Bang It’s Reeves and Mortimer in their "The Club" sketch as a special guest who has to flee when Chris the Bouncer’s "fat mam" breaks loose and wants to have sex with him.