Behind the Wall of Sleep

A problem I've had for some time now is lack of sleep, both getting to sleep and staying there. It's not uncommon for me to wake up at five am, a good two hours too early, having only got to sleep around half two.

This is especially bad on Sunday nights, where the all-encompassing feeling of dread of the week ahead often leaves me sat upright and reading through the night. Last Sunday, it was John Lydon's autobiography 'No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs' that was getting another read-through. Come Monday morning, I inevitably look like Captain Black, and I tend to have some sympathy with his mission of destroying the earth too.

Having heard my plight (i.e. constant moaning) enough times, a friend of mine suggested I neck one of these 'proper knockout' prescription sleeping tablets he'd picked up on a trip to the States. He assured me one would have me drifting off to the Land of Nod in a matter of minutes.

Now, first of all, I've always been a bit reluctant to take any kind of regular medication that wasn't essential to staying alive. A year ago or so, I did try a course of anti-depressants in an attempt to combat regular panic attacks and general feelings of hopelessness and despair. After about six months and no change, I decided such traits were part of my personality and I'd just have to deal with it. A concurrent course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy was also a dead end in this respect.

In terms of sleeping tablets, a bigger worry was that they would work and therefore I'd become reliant on them. This was why after being handed the pills, I had several weeks of sitting on the fence about whether to take them or not.

Secondly, I'm aware of the risks of taking drugs that haven't been approved, but desperate times, desperate measures etc.

So, last Sunday I decided to go for it. The heat had meant I'd slept little that weekend, so it seemed I'd need all the help I could get to ensure I wasn't found slumped on my keyboard at work, a pool of drool over the 'enter' key.

Result: it worked. In bed at midnight, asleep maybe 20 minutes later, woken by the alarm at 7am. That the rest of the week so far has seen me back to my usual patterns of sleep, it's put the issue into sharp focus. Carry on being knackered half the time, or succumb to chemical dreams?