280281 (Part One)

Background
The idea for this came from my recent debate article on the 80s, in which I made an attempt to defend that time. As I also have a copy of the NME from the day I was born (Marvin Gaye on the cover: excellent) I wondered how the singles chart from the time stands up.

Have the 40 singles weathered the time inbetween well, or, like me, have they been battered by the harsh eroding winds of time, leaving them looking crocked and knackered? Well, cue ‘Pick of the Pops’ music and let’s find out!
　
New Releases
Of interest to me is the debut singles from New Order – Ceremony - and Heaven 17, with (We Don’t Need This) Fascist Groove Thang. Both were groups trying to step out of the shadows of previous incarnations, though in extremely different circumstances. The Sheffield group managed it first by incorporating a funk bassline into their purely electro sound. Ceremony sounds what it is – a group making a last statement of their past before moving on.

The Actual Chart
#40 – Star – Kiki Dee
Her ‘other’ hit, in my mind at least, and her only solo one. Though she had top 20 hits before after her chart topping adventure with Elton, none of them seem to have lasted as much as this. It brings back memories of holidays at the Butlins camp in Ayr, a theme which I feel may return in this countdown.

Listening to it now, probably for the first time ever all the way through, it’s the kind of early 80s rock fare that would be taken to it’s conclusion in the US by the likes of Pat Benatar. It’s got a nice feel to it, but is essentially inconsequential, albeit feeling like a bigger hit than it was (#13). The references to ‘video stars’ and the synth bubbles at the end date it nicely, though.

#39 - Jones vs Jones/Summer Madness – Kool and the Gang
I can remember finding out with surprise that Kool was not the singer I saw in the video for Celebrate, but the bassist. The follow up to their biggest hit, a double A-side with Summer Madness being a song from seven years prior which, when I listen to it, is instantly memorable from being in ‘Rocky’.

It’s also the best song of the two. The ‘modern’ number is bland soul/funk by numbers that I’d be staggered if it has gotten any airplay in the last 20 years. It’s a divorce tale possibly inspired by the film ‘Kramer vs Kramer’, but it’s incredibly forgettable and I’m surprised it made the top 20.

#38 – Cartrouble – Adam and the Ants
By this point, Antmania had got well under way and the re-issues of the early stuff was underway. This was taken from the first album, Dirk Wears White Sox, recorded with Ants who would take Malcolm McLaren’s advice and fuck poor Adam off to form Bow Wow Wow.

Outside of the big hits, I’ve not heard much of the Ants, certainly not the more post-punk tinged numbers. This is a pretty good, actually: there are clues of what’s to come, but the ghost of punk is there in the guitars as Mr Goddard yelps about motorways. Worth a listen.

#37 – Mutual Assured Destruction – Gillan
Just the title alone dates it. Cold war paranoia, eh? How we all laughed at the time as we read our ‘Protect and Survive’ leaflets. Gillan, being fronted by Ian Gillan from Deep Purple, offer up their own thoughts on the subject in a style that Spinal Tap parodied beyond redemption. It’s not too much of a leap to imagine elaborate stage sets and explosions when Mr Gillan screams the high notes.

"Where I stand/I know just what they’re planning/I know they’re planning one big bang/They call it mutually assured destruction" – people, we owe our survival to ROCK with a MESSAGE such as this. Be grateful.

#36 – Burn Rubber On Me – The Gap Band
Probably the soundtrack to many a boy racer down Essex way in his new Golf GTi. This was a year after their Oops Upside Your Head success. Research shows their albums sold millions in the US, but I’d guess the name doesn’t say too much to many here.

It’s a nice enough number, despite the production – I’d imagine if it was played with a grittier funk sound, it would sound miles better. Not rubbish, by any means, but definitely one for the dancefloor, not the sofa.

#35 – Gangsters of the Groove – Heatwave
A group known to me for two reasons: first, the obscene amount of bad luck they had, with two members stabbed to death and a singer left paralysed by a car crash. Secondly, that their original creative force – Rod Temperton – went on to write some of the songs that made Michael Jackson the most famous person on the planet. For his role in that, I assume he lives on his own tropical island, sleeping on a bed of money.

Though familiar with their big hit Boogie Nights, I was surprised to see a band so associated with the disco sound have a hit in 1981, albeit this would be their last significant chart action. It’s harmless enough fluff, a final present from Temperton to this old band, and indeed it sounds like something Jackson would have rejected for Off The Wall. My guess would be it was popular in discos in the less fashion-conscious corners of Britain.

#34 – Twilight Café – Susan Fassbender
The first artist so far where I have no idea whatsoever who they were. A quick check shows she came from Bradford and this was her only hit.

Unlike many one-hit wonders, this is actually really good. It’s very well put together and the chorus is fucking great. I’ve listened to it about three times on the bounce now, and it’s not wearing thin. I am a sucker for a good synth-pop ditty (though there’s guitar and bass in here too), and this qualifies as one of the best. The rest of the chart can throw any old shit at me now, it’s been worthwhile just for this. Excellent.

#33 – Don’t Stop The Music – Yarbrough and Peoples
No, I’ve never heard of them either. From the name, I half expected a kind of second division Ashford and Simpson. In a nice link, they were discovered by a member of the Gap Band and like them, would have just the one big hit here: this one.

Music like this really hasn’t aged well. While songs like Twilight Café used synths to add charm, funk/R&B seemed to lose it’s way a bit, as the new fangled tools take away (for me) the basic purpose i.e. to make you dance. A robotic beat and plodding bassline added to an irritating melody make this very heavy going, and that’s before some ultra-irritating vocal effects.
Someone liked it though, as it seems it’s been sampled by a fair few, including P Diddy and Alicia Keys. All I can think is that Yarbrough People sounds like a local newspaper in rural Yorkshire.

#32 – Young Parisians – Adam and the Ants
Yes, him/them again. Debut single from three years prior making somebody some easy money.
Not really much of a song, the band shuffle along trying to sound vaguely French while Adam mumbles away. The only notable thing here is the thought of the teenybopping hordes buying this up and the shock on their faces when they realised it was nothing like Dog Eat Dog, for example.

#31 – Hot Love – Kelly Marie
Scots Disco Diva best known for her chart-topping Feels Like I’m In Love, which was written by the guy from Mungo Jerry and intended for Elvis Presley, I’ve just found out.

Like many acts who enjoy a massive success out of nowhere, this is essentially an attempt to replicate the formula. The backing track sounds almost exactly the same, and I’m sure there’s some lyrics copied over too. Bizarrely, there’s a instrumental solo that sounds like bagpipes blustering away (young Kelly was from north of Carlisle, after all).

I do wonder who exactly was buying this kind of thing, but then I remember it’s always been the way. I’m sure if I listened to the top 40 of today, not much of it would be any better than this.