280281 (Part Three)

Into the business end of the chart now, which is perhaps shown by the fact I only had to listen to three songs to remind myself how they went. Not that most of them are any good, mind...

20 - Antmusic - Adam and the Ants
Yes, them again. But this is the Ants Mk. II, taking on pure pop direction after poor old Stu had been shafted by Malcolm McClaren.

It's two-drummer approach works well on the big hits, such as this. The lyrics are all absolute nonsense, of course, but the man himself had decided at this point that artistic creditability didn't pay the bills and instead got working on being the biggest pop star in the country, which he was for a year or so.

19 - Something Bout You Baby I Like - Status Quo
Seems almost inevitable that the Quo, like Cliff, would be gracing this chart at some point. And of course, it sounds pretty much like every other one of the six billion hits.

It's easy to hate the Quo, but I've always had a vague feeling of admiration for their sheer stubbornness in mining the same seem of music for the last 35 years or so. A story you might not know is that Rick Parafitt's dad drunk in the same pub as the very young Paul Weller's dad, and he once called round to give the brooding teenage mod a few words of encouragement. I've noticed that subsequently, Weller has had kind words for the Quo.

18 - Sgt Rock (Is Going To Help Me) - XTC
It's said by some that Andy Partridge was a little jealous that it was Colin Moulding's songs that were proving to be the hits in the early days of XTC. And then he goes and finally gets his first decent sized success, with a song he wasn't really that keen on.

It also, apparently, got him into some trouble for it's alleged misogynistic lyrics ("make the girl mine/keep her stood in line"), though the context of the song is of a wimp of a guy recruiting Sgt Rock - "the expert at kissing and stuff" - to help him be more popular with girls.

It's not the best XTC song by a long distance, but it's a fun enough number from a belter of an album (Black Sea) and Partridge would get the big hit he deserved with Senses Working Overtime, before his stage fright ensured his amazing band never again got the mainstream acceptance they deserved.

17 - Kings of the Wild Frontier - Adam and the Ants
I've run out of things to say about these lot now, on their fourth (and thankfully last) entry in this particular chart.

Saying that, I just remembered an episode of The Equalizer in which Adam here played a rather nasty piece of work who kidnapped girls from the street to use as sex slaves. Our man Eddie Woodward soon puts a stop to that, though, and equalises in true fashion by shooting the villainous Ant with a dagger-gun-type-thing affair.

As for this song, it's not as good as Antmusic, Dog Eat Dog or Stand and Deliver, though the twangy guitar is pretty enjoyable.

16 - Fade to Grey - Visage
Apparently, three members of Magazine (Barry Adamson, Dave Formula and John McGeogh) were in Visage. None of them play on this, as far as I know, which is bad for the song (as it might have been better with them on it) but good for them (as it might have always been awful).

Despite my opinions, it was a huge hit and is held up as some kind of synth classic by a lot of people. My own stance is that the weird synth song with detached vocals was done so much better by Japan on their own biggest hit, the superbly spooky Ghosts.

15 - Message of Love - The Pretenders
The original Pretenders line-up was a very fine rock band indeed, as seen on this excellent tune. The appeal of the band was always Chrissie Hynde's voice, of course, which is one of the finest to be heard anywhere at anytime, but Hereford's finest do more than their fair share here.

Tragedy was just around the corner for the band at this point, and they've never hit the heights they did with James Honeyman-Scott in the line-up. This is probably my favourite single of theirs, primarily because when Hynde sings "talk to me darling", it's one of the sexiest sounds imaginable.

14 - Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
I really can't stand Dire Straits. Mark Knopfler's guitar style has always been far too "show off" for me and you get the impression he usually has a smug look of self-satisfaction on his face whenever he finishes a lyric, despite the fact they're rarely all that and at times just offensive.

This, I'm almost loath to say, is actually a really good song. The guitar theatrics are kept to a minimum and the narrative is pretty solid. Proof if ever needed that even a totally hateful band can change your stance for even a brief moment.

13 - We'll Bring the House Down - Slade
Wolverhampton's finest emerge from their wilderness years to score their first big hit in half a decade.

Like Status Quo, it's difficult for me to dislike Slade. A big part of this are the Reeves and Mortimor sketches from the 90s and that Noddy Holder just seems so damn likeable. The song comes across as less cartoony as their big early 70s hit and it's rocks well enough to make you see why it did pretty well: you can imagine young men not impressed by New Pop or the grey overcoat bands would relish this as "proper music" but what strikes me most is that I can understand none of the lyrics except the title.

12 - In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins
Like Dire Straits, part of the 80s establishment whose track record always leaves me somewhat cold. Cold might actually be putting it mildly - I can't stand anything about him and it was delicious seeing him make a complete bell-end of himself on Brass Eye, wearing a "Nonce Sense" cap.

For some reason, songs like this appear to have given him some creditability back. You hear terms like "great production", "superb drumming" and all that. Well, fuck that shit - it's complete dogwank and I'd happily never hear another Phil Collins song for the rest of my life.

11 - Rock This Town - The Stray Cats
Generally, the 50s music I love is the blues stuff. I've never been much into Elvis, Jerry Lee and all that scene, so the Stray Cats and other 50s revivalists have never really been my bag, Eddie Cochrane being the exception to the rule.

For whatever reason in the early 80s, there was a burst of this kind of thing. The Stray Cats had a few big hits and Shakin' Stevens sold singles by the warehouse load throughout the decade. Rock This Town does indeed rock pretty well and I'd imagine it would be fun to swing your gal around to at the local Hop, or whatever. It sounds so much like what it's copying, though, that it's tough to remember anything original about it. Oh well.